What is the story you tell yourself about who you are, where you’ve been and where you’re headed? What happens when your story gets upended?
Our personal narratives, our stories, help us make sense of our life experiences. They provide a rudder of purpose, identity and mastery. However, when you notice that the plot of your personal story is changing -- perhaps something just doesn’t fit anymore or something significant in your life is not the same -- you are in transition. And as we travel through this year and beyond, change is impacting us with increasing frequency. Change happens; and transition is how we respond to change.
Sometimes our changes are planned, but more often, change happens by circumstance. The linear life is dead. Transition is a skill we can and must master!
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I remember distinctly being 21 years old and opening a letter saying that I’d been offered a Graduate School Fellowship at University of Minnesota. My home was in San Jose, California. I’d only applied to a handful of schools, not realizing that my solid undergraduate grades and active student government involvement would facilitate my acceptance to some very good universities. I was not highly ambitious, but how could I say “no” to a fully funded experience? So, I said, “yes.” I planned to return home to continue my life in San Jose in two years, when my degree was complete. In August of 1989, my mother (a single parent) and I pulled out of the driveway from our little San Jose home for a road trip to Minneapolis. Little did I know that over the next two years, mother would pass from an unexpected illness, my fiancé and I would break up due to distance, my old San Jose home would sell to a new owner, I’d gain a completely new set of friends and I’d never return back to my San Jose roots again. |
It is common to struggle with resistance, loss, grief or fear amidst transition. Yet we also may meet transition with acceptance and excitement. As Joseph Campbell says, “Where you stumble, there lies your treasure.” In other words, our most challenging transitions offer our greatest opportunities for growth. We emerge from transition to become more skillful and more fully human. Rewriting our stories, we can craft a new, more authentic path forward.
Three Stages: Artificial Simplicity?
Popular literature describes transition as occurring in three stages. This three-stage model may oversimplify transition. Still, simplicity is an excellent tool for navigating transition, and the three stages are a simple framework to reflect on our experiences.
- Ending, Losing, Letting Go – Ironically, transitions starts with embracing endings. Endings sometimes bring joy; but they often bring uncertainty, loss and grief. Endings are crucial for clearing space for new beginnings.
- The Neutral Zone – The messy middle -- is where old identities no longer fit, yet the new ones have not fully formed. The messy middle is a place of self-reflection, experimentation and adjustment. The neutral zone is often called “the liminal state.”
- The New Beginning – The new beginning is the emergence of new possibilities. This phase is about embracing change, forming new habits and stepping confidently into the future.
While we’d like transition to happen in an orderly sequence, in reality the stages of transition do not happen as a step-by-step process. As you reflect on your transition experiences and coping strategies, you may ask: Which stage is relatively comfortable? Which feels most difficult? Where do you need to place attention? Notice where you find your transition superpower and where you stumble, and respond accordingly.
Types of Transitions: A Starter List
Modern Elder Academy offers “seven Ps” below, to define types of transitions.
- Psychological – Overall mental health and states of being
- Purpose – What’s next and greater meaning
- Personal – Relationships, home life
- Professional – Career, skills, finances, retirement
- Physical – health, body image, physical wellness
- Parting and Passing – managing uncertainty, fear, grief and even death in the face of uncertain times
In reality, there are limitless types of transitions. For example, this list does not explore societal or collective transitions. However, understanding and mastering individual transitions is an excellent place to start in building our skills.
Mastering life’s transitions allows us to cultivate a mindset that embraces change. Mastering life’s transitions is about stepping into uncertainty with awareness, acceptance and trust. The journey may be unpredictable, but with the right practices, tools and allies, every transition can become a doorway to transformation. Life is in the transitions!