I recently started square dancing with my partner. I’m not great at it, but the instruction is excellent and everyone is learning the same steps together. My partner and I move toward the couple that is directly across from me in a flow that’s harmonious. The outcomes vary from simply passing one another to a complex set of patterns called the Grand Square that involve everyone. There are so many dance moves open to our group because we’re open to what happens next.
Dancing is a common agreement among participants to cooperate with one another. It’s in the design. However, in the world at large, designs can differ. They may flow smoothly or be chaotic. Cooperation can also be confrontational with winners and losers. Pushing back may seem like the only choice available.
Can you imagine square dancing with someone who doesn’t want to dance? As I chatted with one of the long-time dancers during a break, I asked if he ever felt the urge to push back, whether that be against his partner, his corner, or someone in the square. He looked at me with a perplexed look and said, “Why would I push? It wouldn’t be dancing then.”
Ki of Cooperation (KoC) opens the door to a dance that you can see, navigating through the world with clarity and intent. And, much like dancing, it opens the door to possibilities that move beyond what’s obvious. One of the tools that’s available through KoC is Blending, and in a very tactile sense, it looks and acts like square dancing.
Blending is part of the toolset used when Cooperating with Another. Alongside Staying Current, these two tools work interdependently to help increase the capacity for empathy, understanding, and, more importantly, solutions when working with someone else in a situation where there may be confrontation or potential conflict.
“Blending involves inquiring to understand the other person and acknowledging their position while skillfully stating one’s own point of view. In this manner, we can discover a new way to view the world together or address a problem in a way that creates harmony rather than discord.” (p.29, Ki of Cooperation Handbook)
The practice, whether in person or in your mind, is relatively simple. When facing someone else, step forward and to the side, turn around, and face back to see yourself. In doing so, you establish the ability to not only have your viewpoint but to see yourself from the view of the other. In doing so, you create space to see your situation from the same side. Opposition is no longer the only option. The video on this page shows Getting Off the Line, one example of Blending.
When I first attended Ki of Cooperation, I had been part of a group of local community organizations who sponsored a food pantry. After the pandemic, volunteers, donations, and other sources of funding were harder to come by. In addition, there was a transition in leadership of the food pantry. The new leaders were understandably frustrated with the lack of support.
As the Vice President of the community group, I routinely listened to, heard about, and participated in difficult conversations about what would happen next. There were no great options, and often tempers and words got the upper hand in the group.
Blending became essential as the problem persisted. As I learned the different facets of the Practice Wheel in Ki of Cooperation, I practiced. I listened to concerned citizens, leaders, and fellow board members. I stepped in, stood beside, and saw the situation from their points of view. And, as I talked and worked, the situation slowly moved towards a solution.
In a couple of key conversations where everyone was physically in the room, I was also able to move beside the different viewpoints and ask each one to listen, look, and think. Much like my square dancing, I was able to see each partner in this as a part of the solution. In fact, without each viewpoint, I’m not sure we would have been able to find the answer. Eventually, the food pantry was separated from the community organization into a self-supporting, volunteer-rich community resource.
By allowing blending to work in my favor, I was able to slowly work toward a resolution that went beyond the original two-sided conflict. Initially, I made the mistake of assuming the intent of others instead of focusing on my own feelings. But, as I practiced, I became more open to what was possible when working together. Diffusing disagreements as they began and assuming positive intent opened up space within me to cooperate, even when conversations were tense.
The steps forward were not always clear. Sometimes I wasn’t comfortable stepping next to the person in opposition to me. Unlike square dancing, there was no experienced caller singing the next move. Still, every opportunity to blend felt like a step worth taking.
Blending creates the dance steps, and with practice, it can make the entire world a dance floor.